Another woman uses social media, to express her lament on how men are just not up to having the deep relationship with her, that is her entitlement. Therefore it must be ‘all men’s fault’.
‘Why aren’t men ready for a deep woman?’ she asks.
Those of us who are ‘doing the work’, can fall into a trap laid carefully and seductively by the ego.
This trap is tempting.
It supports and colludes with those parts of ourselves that are prone to believing we are, after all the work, superior to others. We don’t say it like that of course. No, that would be too egotistical, and obvious.
No, we express our superiority by saying things like:
‘There are no men ready for a deep relationship with a woman like meeee’.
‘Women can’t handle the depth I bring to a relationship.’
‘Men aren’t ready for a genuine woman in her power!’
‘There’s just not enough women who are ready for the intimacy I want.’
Partly, we say these things due to that sneaky part of our ego that has seduced us with our own sense of superiority. Partly, because we still carry relationship wounds that, even after all the work we have done, are still too raw and painful for us to be ready to face.
I too fell for this seductive tale. Talking myself into believing there was only a small group of females who would be ready for the intimacy I wanted. I set out the tick-a-box list they would have to tick, just to be considered.
Fortunately, I had a mate who called me out on my bullshit.
‘You don’t need a woman who ticks all those boxes. What you need is a woman who is willing to do the work alongside you. Someone who is willing to walk beside you, not someone who has done the work and believes she is perfect already.’
And he was right.
18 years ago, I chose a woman who is far from perfect. Yet, she is a great match for myself – as I am for her. For despite all my work, I am still far from perfect too, you see. The work continues each and every day we are in a relationship together. And it’s not easy for either of us.
As each of us works through our relationship bullshit, the old dysfunctional patterns that do not serve, and face the wounds that keep us from a deeper intimacy with each other, and with ourselves.
And lastly, each and every time I think to myself ‘FFS! Why can’t she….?’ ‘She has work to do’. ‘F*&k! She’s a pain in the ass!’
I take a step back, look in the mirror and feel into what I am avoiding, by making her the problem. And sure enough, it’s always me who has the capacity to make the biggest improvements in my life. If only I face the ‘Man in the Mirror’.
